Exploring the Divine Connection: Embracing a Higher Power, Something That Transcends Me
For a long time, I intertwined religion with connection. I attended church, engaged in acts of kindness, led bible studies, served in the nursery, and prayed for transformation.
Despite all this, change eluded me.
Undeterred, I intensified my efforts. I suffered in the name of God. I bore the mantle of righteousness for God. I was a martyr for God. I judged sinners on behalf of God. I prayed fervently for change, yet change remained elusive.
In my deepest despair, I decided to attend an Al-Anon meeting. I witnessed a profound change in a dear friend who had been attending these meetings, despite having an alcoholic and drug-addicted husband.
It’s worth noting that my father cautioned me about potentially joining a cult. I assured him that this was a space for me to learn how to form relationships with those battling alcoholism and addiction.
I had already lost a brother-in-law to a heroin overdose, and sadly, years later, his daughter, my niece, would also succumb to this disease. It’s a family disease, and I was not immune.
These meetings also became a place where I could cultivate a healthy relationship with myself and my higher power. All Twelve Step programs have a spiritual foundation rooted in a higher power.
The intriguing yet challenging part is that no one defines this higher power for you. That is a journey you must embark on yourself.
Steps Three and Eleven specifically use the phrase “as we understood Him” following the word “God.” When I was asked to list God's attributes, I was taken aback. My initial perception of God was akin to a distant authority figure.
However, my friend challenged me to rethink this perception. She suggested that maybe our understanding of a higher power is shaped by the authority figures in our lives. This insight brought me to tears as I recognized my own perception of authority.
I was always striving to please everyone, maintain peace, and avoid mistakes.
With compassion, my friend encouraged me to redefine my understanding of God based on the attributes that truly resonated with me.
Embarking on a Spiritual Journey
Equipped with my background as a Sunday school teacher, I started my list with the fruits of the Holy Spirit:
- Gentleness
- Goodness
- Kindness
- Faithfulness
- Joy
- Never-failing love
- Never-failing love
- Patience
- Peace
- Self-control (I left this for later as the thought of God interfering with self-control was intimidating)
I believed that if His Spirit embodied these qualities, so must He.
Beginning With Kindness
I kicked off my journey with kindness. I was nice, but not kind. I defined kindness as unconditional love, something I struggled to extend to myself. As a perfectionist, I found it hard to love myself when I was always falling short of my goals.
Over time, I added more attributes to my list, but kindness remains my favorite. It taught me to accept myself as I am, and trust in my higher power to guide me towards becoming a balanced, loving, and caring individual.
An individual who can love God, love others, and love herself.
Imagine your favorite celebrity inviting you to sit next to them in a park. They're not looking for anything in return. They simply want to share a moment with you, listen to you, and converse with you.
Because they find you remarkable. Because they love you more than you can comprehend and they want nothing but the best for you.
This is the kind of relationship I've developed with my higher power. This is who I entrust with my life and the lives of those dear to me. This is the entity I want you to discover.
May the God of your understanding bless your journey.
